jennifer Lehr Expert

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LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)

When I was a teenager and young adult, I had no idea who I was. I had no idea what my talents were nor my weaknesses. I experienced both anxiety and depression. It was as if I was an undefined and somewhat chaotic container of mush. Yet through the process of life, of relating, reading, working, therapy, writing, meditation, yoga, and so much more, I changed. I learned to define myself. I grew to know myself. I developed skills and abilities, and self-knowledge. My path included both strengthening my ego and transcending it (to some degree).

We sometimes have the idea of the need to ‘get rid of our ego.’ This is especially true if we are on a growth path that involves meditation, yoga, or eastern philosophies like Buddhism.

Let’s suppose we are meditating, and we keep getting distracted. Maybe we were just in an argument with our partner. Perhaps there is stress at our workplace. Regardless, we cannot find that clear open place where we watch our thoughts come and go. Instead, we get caught. We find ourselves worrying or feeling angry. Obviously, we want to find a way to unhook from these thoughts and feelings.

To have a healthy spiritual life, we need to have a strong ego (or sense of I). The ego is a platform upon which we hold our sense of self. Our ego allows us to have a stable sense of an intact and separate self.

Think of yourself as a conglomeration of parts, ideas, qualities. And more. Some part of us has to hold all of this together, coordinate it, and change it from chaos to a symphony. This part is the ego. How well the ego does this has to do with how it has developed.

Our Ego Help Us With:

1. Our ability to know ourselves
2. Our ability to direct ourselves
3. Our ability to have compassion for ourselves
4. Our ability to have empathy for others
5. Our ability to coordinate our different and often conflicting impulses and desires
6. Our worldview

A Strong and Defined Enough Ego

Everybody has defenses or habit patterns because we needed them to survive as we developed and moved from less defined to more defined beings. For example, due to our vulnerability as babies, we cry when we are hungry or uncomfortable. But as adults, we need to have a bit more control over our instinctual reactions. Imagine if we didn’t. You’ve actually seen it. Take road rage. for example. That is somebody who cannot control their instinctual reactions. That person is caught in old habit patterns and could benefit from developing new skills and a more defined and less primitive ego.

Without a strong enough and defined ego, we are permeable. We may have low self-esteem or a mental illness. We may suffer from a variety of disorders. If our ego isn’t developed enough, our defenses and adaptations win.

Once we have a healthy enough ego, we also want to be able to see beyond it. 

Letting Go of the Ego

According to Buddhist thought, the cause of suffering is identifying with our thoughts. We push and pull by aversions and preferences. We think those strategies are who we are, but they are not who we are. When we are merged with our strategy and habit patterns, life will knock us around until we detach and see beyond our preferences and aversions.

Buddhist thought and its tools like meditation help us ‘transcend the ego” or dissolve the ego’s structures.

What Does That Mean?

Contemplative practices can help us unhook from our adaptations and strategies. As we focus on breathing or awareness of the moment, we learn to witness our constructs. For example, while meditating, we notice our thoughts. We witness our feelings. This enables us to watch but not engage in these habitual patterns. Eventually, we find more freedom from these habit patterns within which we live.

What are some ways we can “unhook” from our egos?

1. Practicing forgiveness. Forgiveness helps us get out of our own perspective and see from another’s perspective. It helps us release aspects of ourselves that felt damaged by another. Note: It is generally not healthy to forgive until we’ve allowed ourselves our full range of feelings around whatever happened to us.
2. Practice saying, Thy Will Be Done, or Let Go and Let God. This allows us to remember we are not in control. It is like a breath of air coming into our psyche’s. It is not all up to us. The universe is big.
3. Let go of ‘should.’ Should means we are telling ourselves that we have to be different than we are. Putting on a should is like putting on clothes that don’t fit. Get them off and trust that you can be your authentic self, even if you aren’t what you want to be yet. It is by being your authentic self that you allow yourself to grow. Should's slow that process down.
4. Take time to tune into yourself. This could be through journaling (think Morning Pages), or just sitting in a chair, closing your eyes, and noticing how you feel.
5. Find a sense of appreciation. Yes, your world may be chaotic. Yes, you may feel overwhelmed. Finding the part of you that feels appreciation can help pull you out of less productive habit patterns.
6. Meditating. Notice your breathing and witness the thoughts going by. As you learn to not get on that ‘thought bus,’ you will also notice “I’m still here.” Look, more thoughts are going by and I’m still here and I’m still watching. 

If you have a significant disorder or psychosis, you may find that building the ego is what you need. Or suppose you have overcompensated from earlier deficits by having an overly controlling ego that is not flexible enough. In that case, you can benefit from practices that help you transcend the ego.

In my case, and probably in many people’s situations, you can both build and transcend the ego simultaneously. As we practice both building and transcending the ego, we find that we move from a less defined person to someone with a structure capable of channeling more light and beauty.

With love, 

Jennifer

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/theory-knowledge/201306/the-elements-ego-functioning

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-drop-your-ego-with_b_9263250

The word manifest indicates bringing into being. Bringing into being means we are creating. Thus manifesting means, we are creating our reality.

The imaginative function is powerful. As we exercise our imagination and envision, we are creating images.  Holding a picture in our mind energizes these images and the potentiality they carry. It is as if where there was previously nothing, suddenly, there is a shaft of light, illuminating a possibility.

Imagine a path through dark woods. You cannot see what is there or where you are going. You turn on your flashlight. Suddenly you can see. You can make choices. You can avoid a fallen tree or a ditch. You can find your way through the darkness. Envisioning is similar except that the light you carry is much more powerful. Instead of illuminating what is there, envisioning CREATES what can be there.

You will still have to go through the process of dealing with reality: navigating obstacles, conditions, and situations. But your vision is also magnetizing situations and solutions.

Amelia’s Story

Amelia wanted to start a business. She didn't have a business background, and she worked full time and didn't have much time. But Amelia had a vision. She began to imagine what she wanted her business to look like. She imagined what it felt like to be a business owner. She imagined the kind of employees she wanted. She imagined the contribution she wanted to make to the world. She imagined how she would work in that business and what it felt like.

Interestingly, an acquaintance mentioned a job in the same field as the business she wanted to create. Amelia knew if she got that job, she could learn some of the skills she needed to develop her own business.

She got the job. She worked for several years. As she learned at her job, her vision of her business became more precise and more defined. She gained the skills that she needed to run her own business.

Eventually, someone she knew offered to rent her space at a low cost to start her business in. But Amelia didn't have the money. A relative offered to help her with some cash to get her started. Amelia began to set herself up to start her business.

She told everyone she knew what she was doing. Her business began to grow. She began to advertise. Eventually, she was able to hire an employee. As her business grew, and consequently, she grew, she had other visions that she could nurture and manifest.

If Amelia had never honored her vision, allowed it to take hold in her imagination, nurtured it, and played with it, she would not have activated these possibilities for her life. If she had not sustained her vision through the obstacles that presented themselves, she would never had created that business. 

Vision Changes the World

People change the world with their visions. Nelson Mandela had a vision of freedom for South Africa. He held his vision and followed it to where it led him. Nelson Mandela wasn't in control of what life did and did not do or the events that occurred. He wasn't in control of fate. But he was in control of his vision. And holding onto it. And living his life in response to it.

It is almost as if he (we) step into a roller coaster. The vision keeps the car moving. The twists and turns along the way are not in his (our) control. But ultimately, if you hold on, you will end up somewhere because the vision has magnetized and brought in new possibilities. The ride results from holding the dream as we move through reality, while reality interacts with, fights, twists, turns, and eventually acquiesces to the vision.

There is always something we can manifest. Even if our circumstances are limited, if we can find a way to envision and hold onto that vision, something will come of it. It may not be what we expect but our vision will move us out of what was, into what will be. 

Here's to sustaining those visions you have and manifesting all of your dreams.

With love, 

Jennifer

Imagine you are standing in front of a blank canvas. You can paint anything you want, for example, a scene full of love, health and beauty. As you paint, you are filling in your reality. For what we imagine, we can bring into being. 

We are in a new decade. A decade that will have new problems to solve, and new possibilities. It is exciting to stand on the brink of the new. And it can be scary too. 

The law of attraction works on the premise that whatever we think about will eventually manifest on the physical plane. We have the ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on. 

There is a clear caution here. Don’t focus on the negative. Find positive ways of thinking. Develop more moment to moment awareness so you can know what you are focusing. When you find a negative thought come in (there are often negative thoughts under difficult emotions) look for ways to defuse it or to find a better way of looking at the situation. 

We don’t always trust that we can create beautiful and amazing lives. Yet the world is filled with people who have done just that. Why not you too?

What do you want to attract?

• Better health?
• Love and relationship?
• More abundance materially?
• A fitter body?
• More confidence?
• Less anxiety?
• Maybe a combination of the above?

While what we attract usually doesn’t happen overnight, it puts us on the path, like Dorothy walking down the yellow brick road towards the Wizard of Oz who she hopes can help her get back home. Of course it is the journey to Oz that changes Dorothy and enables her to believe that clicking her heels 3 times (as per the witch Glenda) would get her home. This depicts how the journey often gets us ready for the manifestation. Visualizing is part of the journey.  

When we sit down and close our eyes and allow our desires to take form in our minds, we are visualizing. When we daydream, or imagine something we want, we are visualizing. There are many different ways of visualizing. But the key is that visualizing activates possibility. Almost like a magnet, it helps the universal forces line up to deliver to us what we desire. 

One way of visualizing is by creating a vision board. 

What is a vision board? A vision board is a method to help you get clearer about and focus on a goal. To create a vision board, you find images that represent what you desire, and you paste them onto a board or paper. You end up with a collage of images that speak to you, and you to them. 

Remember that you are: 

1. Asking for something. So be clear on what you want.
2. You will have to believe that what you want is possible.
3. You will have to allow yourself to receive what comes to you.

How do we do this? 

• First allow your dream to emerge.
• Then begin to find images to represent your dream. (This plants them more deeply in your subconscious mind.) Allow your creativity and intuition to help you arrange these images on a board or paper.
• Look at your vision board daily in order to use your board as an affirmation.
• As you work with your vision board, you may find that you have negative thoughts come up about your desires. You will have to address each negative thought by thanking it for trying to help you, but also explain to each negative thought, that it is not correct, that you can have what you want. Challenging these limiting beliefs may require reading positive and inspirational material to help you see the world and your possibilities differently.

Most of us aren’t taught about this kind of magic. But creating our reality is a type of magic. And we have more power to create our lives than we know. 

Happy New Year's Eve!

Jennifer

I juggle a lot in my life, I work both creatively and analytically. I'm a master at getting shit done. Being able to do so makes my life effective. To do so, I need to be organized mentally and in alignment energetically. 

But I’m no different than any of you. We are all juggling a ton of stuff, and our lives are complicated. We need to have organized thoughts and minds to be effective.

First, we have to get ready. Like an athlete may need to stretch before they start their workout, we need to get prepared. This could be drinking a cup of coffee, or in my case, having a piece of dark chocolate. You may need to eat. You may need to exercise or meditate before you start your day. Or you might do better if you jump right in. 

Okay, so what is next?

We have tools and concepts, and we have attitudes and emotions. 

Concept One

Being in the flow. We need to be able to get in the flow. Did you ever watch a murmur of birds? How as each bird adjusts, the entire flock moves with grace through the sky. Somehow those birds are attuned to each other and operate as a whole, with tiny micro-adjustments. They are organized while also being free-flowing. That could be a good metaphor for organizing our thoughts. Our brains need both freedom and coordination. 

Concept Two

Organizing your thoughts is a creative project…sort of like organizing your closet. Imagine building a stone bridge. (I’m not sure where this analogy came from). You have to put the big rocks in to create the structure, and then you fill in the spaces with the smaller rocks and the mortar. I use this concept all the time to prioritize what I should do first. Is this a big rock in my life or a small one? If it is a big rock, it takes priority. This helps me organize my mind. BTW, while I have an organized mind, my closet is not in great shape!

Concept Three

Consider the Eisenhower matrix, which you can find in Steven Covey’s book, First Things First. He divides tasks into 4 categories: 

• Urgent and important (Do)
• Not urgent and important (Plan)
• Urgent but not important (Delegate)
• Not urgent and not important (Eliminate)

People often get caught in the urgent but not important activities (emails) rather than attending to the important but not urgent activity (working on a project you really want to do). 

As you can see, this concept is similar to the previous one, where you put in the big rocks before the smaller rocks. Personally, because the rock concept is visual, it works better for me. It often jumps into my mind and helps me prioritize my day and organize my mind.

Our Thoughts and Emotions

Our emotions can derail us. If I am upset or am afraid, I can get stuck. For example, let’s suppose someone really wants to be a writer or write a book but doesn’t know if they will succeed. That emotional doubt can derail you. You have to know that your thoughts create feelings. So if you are thinking "I don’t know if I can do this," you will probably feel hesitant, afraid, or even overwhelmed. Your thoughts influence your reality, but they are not your reality. So you may have to get a handle on your beliefs to get your feelings in line.

Our Attitudes 

Sometimes we approach a task as if we have to get it right. We don’t allow for multiple attempts. We don’t allow for play. We don’t know that maybe we will have to play and try many times before what we want to emerge, emerges. 

For example, my brother is an electrical engineer. When we were kids, he and I both liked trying to see how things worked and fixing things that were broken. I was pretty good at it, but he was incredible. He was able to fix a dishwasher that a serviceman had said could not be fixed… I believe he did this when he was about 5 years old. How did he accomplish this? He persistently tried different strategies over and over until something worked. Similarly, as an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. He supposedly said that “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Other Tools

I use lists and calendars. As I write things down, my mind becomes less chaotic because instead of worrying about forgetting that thing, I know I can find it when I need it. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a thought. I almost always write that thought down rather than hold it in my mind because it is easier for me to sleep if I know I won’t forget it. 

Calendars

I use Google Calendar. I have the category exercise blocked in 7 days a week. I have work blocked in as well as writing (I am working on a book). Then I add in various appointments. The big blocks are exercise, work, and writing. While I have specific times for those activities in my calendar, I often rearrange them according to how I feel. So, for example, if I wake up tired, I move exercise to the afternoon and start working earlier. 

Lists

I keep a lined yellow pad of paper on my desk. Each day of the week is written on the page as well as a side column with things I want to get to eventually, but they aren’t scheduled in. Each Sunday, I go into my calendar and write down what I intend to or have to do each day. As I complete tasks, I cross them off of this pad. 

Journaling

Journaling can allow us to get our feelings and thoughts out. This can help our mind calm down and get out of a chaotic state. I journal less than I used to, but I still find it a great tool to help my mind and emotions. 

Free-writing

When I am working on a project (for example, writing this piece), I start by jotting thoughts down, sort of free writing. And then use my analytical mind to organize my free writing thoughts. Both sides of my brain coordinate to make this piece move from an empty page to an article.

Remember to take time to find balance. An organized mind comes out of an in-balance body. 

Get enough sleep, eat right, exercise, meditate, deal with your beliefs and emotions, and use the tools included here. 

Hope this helps and here is to getting shit done and an organized mind!

With love, 

Jennifer

Sources:

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2015/11/5-ways-to-organize-your-mind-for-maximum-productivity/

https://www.theorderexpert.com/17-ways-to-organize-your-thoughts/

https://www.uky.edu/~eushe2/Pajares/OnFailingG.html#:~:text=Thomas%20Edison's%20teachers%20said%20he,at%20inventing%20the%20light%20bulb..

We define trust as “to have confidence, faith, or hope in someone or something. An example of trust is believing that the sun will rise in the morning, or having faith that things will be better in the future.”

When trust is not nurtured

I am someone who has had little trust in the past. My parents raised me to question my choices and be careful not to make a mistake. It was as if the weight of the world was piled upon my small back. I was terrified of making the wrong choice I had no understanding that following any choice, there will be other choices. I felt that if I made a ‘wrong’ choice, I would fall down into a dark pit and not be able to get out. 

I believe my parents were attempting to help me make correct decisions and about consequences. But unfortunately, the result was that they created anxiety about my ability to trust my choices, to trust that there are forces of good in the world and to trust that I was safe. 

When we trust, it feels as if we can lean back into a soft pillow and that we are and will be supported. It means we can live and love and work with a sense of safety. When we don’t trust, life is fraught with perils. We are tenser, more worried. We don’t know if we will be okay or if we will accomplish our goals or our dreams will materialize.

What and who do you trust?

We can trust different things. For example, I may trust myself, my judgments, and others. I may trust my choices and my life path. I may I believe that I am safe, and my life is okay.

I had a once had a reading with a clairvoyant who told me that I had an angel on each side of me, holding my hands. It was a beautiful and profound image. It blew away my sense that I am on my own. She was telling me that the universe was supporting my endeavors, that I am not alone. Trusting that we have support from the universe (or in this case, angels!) allows us to relax and feel safer.

Trust allows us to slow down

When we have a sense of trust, we can slow down on our journey. I am reading Travels with Charley: In Search of America, by John Steinbeck, and he stated to the effect of, “You can now drive from New York to California without seeing anything.” He was indicating that when we are in a rush to get somewhere (in this case by taking a major freeway), we miss the actual journey, the scenery, the smells, the little towns and shops, and the conversations with people we meet. We miss the beautiful possibilities of our lives. 

When we do not trust, we may be in a hurry to get to where we think we should be – because the sooner we get there, the sooner we can breathe a sigh of relief. But that causes us to live our lives with undue tension, causing us to miss many moments from which we could benefit.

Knowing the universe has our back

When we trust, we may feel that the universe has our back. We know that we are being guided and led to situations and events that will help us grow.

According to the law of attraction, we find that those who trust are better at manifestation. This is because thought precedes manifestation.

Good relationships require trust

Trust is also an essential component of relationships. If you’ve ever been in or witnessed a relationship that was not based on trust, you know how difficult it is.

Given the amount of trauma and difficult experiences many of us have had, witnessed, or are aware of, I understand that trust can be difficult to embody. It is a quality I am still growing.

Differentiation is needed

Trusting does not mean blindness. We still need our ability to determine what is or is not good for us, or who does or does not have our best interests at heart. But as we hold onto our ability to differentiate, we can also learn to open to trust.

Where can we each benefit from trusting?

• What do you trust?
• Who do you trust?
• Where do you find you do not have trust?
• What could help you learn to have more trust?
• How would you like to change around trust and trusting?

What is your relationship with trust?

With love, 

Jennifer

There are many theories on the purpose of dreams as well as categories and types of dreams. That said, our dreams open us up to the world of our unconscious desires, as well allow us a way to process our conflicts, motivations and emotions. 

So why might someone have a dream about cheating on their partner?

Let’s briefly look at fantasy because dreaming is an imaginative function that is closely aligned with fantasy. Fantasy is the use of the imagination that allows us to play with possibilities that are not part of our regular life. When fantasy is sexual, it is often for the purpose of increasing our sense of excitement or pleasure, and it allows us to experience more than the limitations of our regular life. 

Dreaming of cheating on a partner could be about working through a conflict a person has about the relationship, it could be about exploring pleasure or any number of things. 

I recommend doing a specific form of dreamwork to find out what the dream means for you. To do this you would take each element of the dream and write it out, both descriptively and from the perspective of that element. 

So for example, if there was a bed, I would write: “I am a large bed. I am soft and comfortable. I enjoy holding the people who lie on me. I like to feel them relax.” After each element is described and speaks from the first person, you can then ask each element to speak to another element. So for example, “I like that the couple made love on me. I was happy to provide the support to allow that to happen.” As you get deeper and deeper into the descriptions of each element, the meaning of the dream FOR YOU, will emerge. 

With love, 

Jennifer

I finished up a course of sessions of EMDR a while back and thought it was important that I speak about it here on The Love Club. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that has the capacity to overcome the distress associated with trauma. Yes, therapists often do a lot of therapy! You have to be on the healing path to help others heal, after-all. 

As I sat in the session, my therapist brought up a memory I had previously told him. It was a memory of me as a teenager, being spanked, bare butt, by my father. That experience had left me with a deep sense of humiliation and shame. I had already had body shame issues, due to the taunting I had received from my father, regarding my – according to him - less than acceptable appearance. But having him treat me like that, with no awareness of my hurt feelings and embarrassment was seared somewhere in my psyche. 

My body shame had been an omnipresent part of my life. My body became an exterior object. It was something I controlled. I exercised to make it look right. I hid it in clothes or dressed it up to be shown off. Somehow, it was me, and it wasn’t me. 

I’m no longer that teenage girl. I have deep empathy now for the child and teenager I was, for the humiliation and violations I bore. I’ve healed a lot of my earlier traumas. I now appreciate my body as a home I care for and tend, and within which I reside. My body is less a thing to show and more an aspect of me which has enabled me to live this physical live, to love, to think, to feel and to express myself. I am grateful for my body as it is. 

As we worked with that memory, I was able to find the part of me that gave that shame back to my father. I was able to move from shame to anger. I was able to feel myself undiminished by that event. I found my sense of power. Yes, I felt sad for the experience, but I no longer felt it as a dark cloud that said I was ugly or less than. 

Many of us hold body shame. Our culture promotes it. Our bodies are seen as objects to be desired or rejected, not as the homes of the complex and beautiful beings that we are. 

Loving our bodies and showing our bodies kindness is the antidote to body shame. Catch yourself when you tell yourself bad things about your body. Think of your heart, faithfully pumping, or your feet that have walked you thousands of miles. Practice thanking your body for what it does. Notice what is positive about your body. Take care of your body. 

I have a little dog named Nutmeg. She is a mixed breed rescue. I watch her walk, watch how she gallops down the hall, shaking her toy. I love her body, her size, her shape, how she moves, because SHE resides in that body, her perky spirit and all of her quirks.  

Your body is just as lovable to those who see the real you shine through, as Nutmeg’s little brown furry body is to me. Your task is for you to see your body from that vantage point. 

Beauty is so much more expansive than shape, size or color. Beauty is the life force of love radiating from you. Let yourself shine with your own unique flavor. 

With love, 

Jennifer

I don’t know about you, but I highly value kindness. I grew up in an environment that was unkind. I remember when I was a child, we first moved from our home in NJ to the countryside of PA (I was 8 and my brother and sister, twins were 6 and my youngest brother was 4). We walked up the road (1/3 of a mile) to our closest neighbor’s house. They had 3 children who were approximately our ages. As we got up to their house those 3 neighbor children began picking up rocks and throwing them at us. We of course ran home. 

That was my introduction to our new neighborhood and environment. And it was a foreshadowing of what was to come. 

We were outsiders in an area where people knew who lived where, who was related to who. Some had never been more than 50 miles from where they were born. Many were related to each other. 

As a shy child, I never really found my way into this community. Instead, I witnessed deeds and actions that I found alienating. And within my family, kindness was not the rule. While my parents both had the capacity to be kind, they could also be punitive and unkind.

Kindness Bridges Differences

Consequently, I now see how important kindness is. I see how it brings together rather than separated. And in our polarized world of today, bridging differences and bringing together those who are not connected becomes more and more important. 

Kindness takes us out of survival and into abundance. Instead of competing with someone else, we are consciously extending ourselves to care for them. 

It is worth mentioning, that when relationships hit rough patches, kindness often goes out the window. Remember, you are in each other’s care. No matter how upset you get, if you do your best to be kind, you are working towards rebuilding connection, rather than breaking a connection apart. 

A Kindness Meditation

In the Buddhist tradition, there is a loving kindness meditation called Metta Bhavana. It is a method of developing compassion and cultivating love. This type of kindness has no conditions. It does not depend on what we deserve. It is not just for those we know and care about, but for all living beings. And it expects nothing in return. 

You can feel the abundance in this description. Like a sun, we take our warmth and extend it outward, changing both ourselves, others and our world. 

Here is a fairly simple loving kindness meditation: 

• Take a few minutes to sit by yourself. Maybe right now as you read this on your computer. Close your eyes, relax and take a few deep breaths. 
• Imagine yourself filled with love and surrounded by love. You might see a color or images, or choose a color to breath into yourself. Focus on this feeling of love, breathing it in and out. 
• Repeat some positive statements to yourself that are supportive. You can use whatever works for you. 
  • For example:
    • May I be happy
    • May I be loved and love
    • May I be safe
    • May I see the good in myself and others

Allow yourself to relax and enjoy what you are feeling. 

Let yourself be immersed in these feelings. 

Bring your attention back to these feelings if your attention drifts. 

If you wish, you may choose to shift your focus from yourself to someone you care about. 

You may then include other people you care about, know, or individuals or groups who you do not know, but who you feel may benefit from receiving the energy you are generating from your meditation. 

Some people send this feeling of love to those they are in conflict or struggling with. 

When you feel complete, open your eyes. 

Return to this feeling whenever you wish. 

With love, 

Jennifer

Right now, outside on our big grassy yard, are two deer. The mother is white and brown. This is due to inbreeding because I live on an island. The baby is stunted, short and stubby, and mostly white with a bit of brown. I call him/her “the little sheep deer.” For the last several years, there has been a stunted white baby. They never survive the winter. It seems something is not quite right with them.

But this pair of mother and child deer love each other. They are often grooming each other. They spend their time together. They are more bonded than a normal mother and fawn. Perhaps because they both know that the little one’s time is short. Maybe they are just more evolved than some of their brethren. Perhaps because the little one isn’t quite right and the mother loves him/her more for his/her difference and weakness.

Regardless, I enjoy watching them. I sometimes give them apples or something from my garden. They make me think about love. They make me think about kindness and acceptance. They make me more aware of embracing those who are different or more vulnerable. They make me think about taking care of those who need extra help.

The challenges of an unkind world

Our world is teeming with challenges – where there is both so much love and heart-opening, and also so much that is cold, cut off from love and the heart.

I know this is a complicated area. There are so many different beliefs on who is worthy, who deserves to be protected, who deserves love extended to them, and who should be excluded.

For me, kindness wins over pretty much anything else. Kindness allows us to create happy families. It enables us to make our relationships better.

Survival mode

What stops us from kindness? Sometimes we are in survival mode. We are concerned there won’t be enough for us. And we may miss a moment to connect or exclude someone just because of that concern. It doesn’t mean we aren’t generally good and kind people. It means that we have blind spots, areas where we haven’t fully evolved or transformed into our best selves. It is basically a call to action. It is the call to step up and make ourselves better. It is the call to look at ourselves and change how we engage with others, ourselves, and our world.

This is one of the reasons people continue with therapy. They begin to see how their ways of being hurt themselves or someone else. They know they can do better; they just don’t know how.

Beliefs that hurt others

Sometimes we have beliefs that others do not deserve as much as we do. For example, the idea in some cultures that women are not as valuable as men. These beliefs are also a call to action, the action of evolving our belief systems to match our hearts’ potential. And of course, the call to action to open our hearts.

In each other’s care

I love the phrase, “In each other’s care.” We literally are. We can take care of each other or not. We can use our hearts to guide us.

As we take care and don’t exclude others, as individuals, within families, between groups and countries, we begin to be a team – with kindness and respect as the foundation.

Imagine if every person could say, “I love you, and you are good enough. As we take care of each other, the world changes. It becomes more beautiful.

The walls that keep us apart are coming down. These are the walls that shut us off from our hearts, from loving others and treating them as we wish to be treated. These are the walls that stifle kindness, family connections, and love. 

I imagine the universe cheering every time a wall comes down.

With love, 

Jennifer